Wednesday, December 19

Over 40 and without a sex partner in site

Today i went to a luncheon held by a local foundation. There was a very nice meal and a speaker present, talking about funding in the nonprofit community. And of course there were the usual community members there that i always see at theses gatherings.

There was a gorgeous guy there that I've known for several years now. But of course, he's married. But every time I see him, I want to jump his bones.

[Let me first explain: I've been divorced now for almost 7 years and in that whole time, I've only had sex a couple of times. The last time being almost two years ago.]

Anyway, there he was in all his handsomeness and sexy gray suit. [long sloppy drool.] And there I was - single and without sex for over a year and a half (and no prospects in site). I fantasized about pushing him into the nearest closet. I'm sure some of you single women can understand. But if he was available, would I really have sex with him?

Anyway, it all made me think about that 60 year-old woman who wrote a book about her experience of not having sex for 30 years. No, that's not a typo, THIRTY years. And then decided for her sixtieth birthday to sleep with a man - any man who was willing. So she put an ad in the local paper and said she wanted to have sex for her birthday and if interested, to send her a photo and info about themselves. She hoped she'd get one response - she got over seventy.

So why did seeing this gorgeous, married man make me think about this woman? (I wish I could remember her name and the title of her book. Did I mention she wrote a book about it all.) I had to ask myself that question. And two answers came up. First, I never want to go 30 years without having sex. (six years is bad enough, and I've been there.) And second, men are dying to have sex with willing women. So what's stopping me, and lots of other women, from having casual sexual encounters? And why is it so easy for men to have them?

Is it the biological thing? Or is it having been brought up in a time when it was taught that girls who had casual sex were sluts. I really don't have the answer to that. I just know that even though I fantasize about having casual sex, when I really think about putting a plan in place to do it, I always chicken out. In fact, I never even get a plan into place, I chicken out on planning a plan.

Frigid, uptight? I'm sure that's what some men would call me. I know that I am not either of those things, and that men tend to use those terms to defend against rejection. So what is it that keeps a lot of us women over 40 from having casual sex; even when we are horny as hell, and fantasizing about being in a dark closet with every good looking man we see. And I know I'm not alone in this. I have friends who've been without sex even longer than I have.

I have no answers, only questions and lots of unfulfilled fantasies. But I do know that I want to figure it out - and break out of that pattern - cuz damn it, I want sex!


intrepidideas said...

Wow... Exciting Blog. And If you keep channeling all of that pinned up sexual frustration into your writing- Trust me! You'll have one of the hottest Blog sites out here! (smile) I can see that most people are running away from this post with no comments. I don't blame them. You ask some very deep and thought provoking questions. But Let me be the Brave, Courageous one! (Pun intended) Anyway, let me say this: Welcome to a Man's world. We walk around horny like that all of the time. And we're forced to make those decisions as well. Should we be promiscuous and active? Or should we pursue the more accepted route and chose a single partner and have a monogamous sexual relationship yada yada yada! It's difficult for us to navigate through this world of beautiful, attractive, tempting women without deviating from the accepted course. And every once in a while, someone like you comes along ready willing and able. (Well I'm not sure you're really willing) But I'm sure you'll have many suitors. Especially after this post. Because now everyone knows where you stand. And guess what? Now the ball is in your court. You'll have to decide whether to dribble or shoot. I believe you've been reluctant to jump into the den of lust - naked for very good reasons. That's what makes you special! And that's what makes you - YOU. Many men will find that attractive. Some day your Princes (plural) will come! And I'm confident you'll pick the right one.

But here's what you should really do: Pull a quarter out of your purse. Flip it in the air.

1) If it's Heads, you join a dating service and find a guy(s) who is/are ready to treat you nice. And you know what I mean by nice. Tell them on the first date that you are only in it for the sex. No commitments and no attachments. And then go out and have a NICE time. Just be careful. Life is too short.

2) If for some reason you flip the coin and it comes up TAILS, keep flipping it until a head comes up and then go back to number 1.